Featured!

I love reading the blog, dooce.com. She has a way of captivating her audience that I feel I can only dream about. She has the right amount of sarcasm, wit, and anecdotal humor. No wonder she can MAKE A LIVING off of blogging.

Such a dream job!

She also made the genius decision of starting a chat forum on her page. You can pose ANY question and all of her readers can answer and start a discussion.

I'm a long time creeper. I've asked only a few questions here or there and answered probably even less. But I love hearing everyone's opinions. I love that the forum is so open and mature. The people who go on there are genuinely open-minded and interested in hearing different opinions. The exact epitome of what makes the world go-round takes place there and I love it.

While doing my usual multi-tasking of being on the internet and watching TV, I was watching Long Island Medium on TLC last night. Theresa Caputo is a Medium, who claims she has the ability to connect with the deceased and be the middle-man between the physical and spiritual world. She has the ability to connect with people through minute details that only the deceased and that person would know.  She brings people to tears of solace. Sometimes I start tearing up like an emotional baby because these people just feel so connected to someone they thought was forever-gone and I want so badly for it to be true.

I often wonder about people who capitalize on their "gifts". Those who feel they were 'called' to this Earth
I started to wonder how many people Theresa Caputo encounters that she DOESN'T read properly. It has to happen. I can't believe she's dead-on every time. So I figured I'd pose the question to the Dooce Community.

And I got to be one of the top featured questions!!

I'm Never Sure What the Universe is Telling Me

Through my latest spat of joblessness and, thus, self-depravity, I went to the omniscient universe to find a sign. Through my harsh discouragement, I needed a sign that my life isn't a complete waste of energy, skin, and sarcastic personality.

I usually go with an online Magic 8 Ball to tell me a flat yes, no, or "reply hazy" (which means no, but your future is bleaker than a Mattel toy cares to tell you). Sometimes I play the "radio game" to let the music gods tell me my future. However today, I went with news headlines. I sought out to self-interpret someone's fact-packed, creative 8 word quip.

First, I chose the Yahoo headlines. The first one to come up...

JENNIFER ANISTON'S HUGE ENGAGEMENT RING

Score!! The future predicts I will be rich and beautiful with a handsome (potentially fiscally responsible) man, and PRETTY JEWELRY*!!! Woohoo. I could breathe a sigh of relief. THERE'S STILL HOPE FOR ME YET!

But, I have a level head on my shoulders. I can't predict my future off of one little news headline.

So, NATURALLY, I went to AOL. Where it proceeded to say...

ROMNEY: 'HOPE IS NOT A STRATEGY'

I can't really put my finger on where my life is headed...


*I don't actually care about jewelry so much as shiny objects in general.

I'm watching 'Til Death on Netflix trying to place the voice of one of the actors. I just KNOW he's done voice-over work. So naturally, I go to my favorite website, imdb.com and look this gentleman up. Turns out he was not only the voice of Norbert on The Angry Beavers, but he was also...wait for it...the voice of Salem from Sabrina the Teenage Witch. 

Now I can't watch this (incredibly hilarious) show without seeing in my mind that the this pasty, ginger actor, Nick Bakay, is a black animatronic cat...

One Can Only Hope...

This Is My Brain...And This is My Brain On Unemployment

What Comes to Mind While Filling out Employment Applications:

• One Word to Describe Myself? 
• Answer Given to Employers:The best word to describe myself is "Genuine." I believe in honesty above all things and taking a valued interest in the people and experiences brought into my life.
• How I Wish I Could Answer This Question: Absolutely-freaking-awesome-and-better-than-everyone-else-and-it-doesnt-matter-that-I-probably-have-little-to-no-experience-to-be-eligible-for-this-job-just-hire-me-anyway-and-i-promise-I-will-somehow-still-impress-everyone-so-can-i-have-the-job-now-please-and-thanks.
• Hyphens count, right?
• Three accomplishments that make us ask ourselves why you're not already working here?
• One Example Answer Given to Employer: During my internship with Live Nation Entertainment in 2010, I was put to the challenge of selling two VIP tickets to existing ticket holders at two-for-one face value price and I succeeded. Should you be interested in an in-person interview, I would love to tell you the whole story.
• The Three Answers I Wish I Could Give:
• I can bullshit my way through a lot of things like giving you three lack-luster accomplishments
• I am so fluent in sarcasm, I truly don't even know when I'm using it half the time. You get that as a bonus upon my employment.
• Most people find me hilarious. They even laugh at the things I say when I'm not even trying to be funny.
• If I just uploaded my resume, why are you making me fill out all the same information in these text boxes? Which one do you actually read? Which one did I just waste my time on? It was the text boxes, wasn't it?
• Will you be more or less inclined to call me for an interview if I fill out the "voluntary" self-identification form as a "gender neutral, Hispanic, disabled, veteran" or should I just stick to White Female?
• Did you really just ask me to fill in my pager number? When was the last time you updated your employment site? And a work number? Really? The unemployed find that offensive!
• Have people actually been making careers in social media marketing long enough to have 5-8 years of experience? I wonder how many Craigslist hookers apply and try and use that as an example of internet marketing.
• JUST BECAUSE THE JOB TITLE COMES UP IN CAPS LOCK WITH BOLD WORDS AND LOTS OF EXCLAMATION POINTS ACTUALLY MAKES ME WANT TO OPEN YOUR LINK LESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
•  Especially when the title says 'TRAINING PROVIDED! $100K A YEAR!" I am not a chump.
• I will however open your ad. Not because I'm interested in applying, but to make you pay for my click(s).
• Why am I reading a job posting with typos? Why does the person who posted this have a job and I don't?
• Is there a way for these employers to tell that I DIDN'T click and read their "terms and conditions" before hitting SUBMIT APPLICATION. Am I the only one who's paranoid about this?
• My Hobbies you ask? 
• My Poindexter Answer Given to Employers: 
• I enjoy spending my free-time with friends and family enjoying new experiences. I have also become a big fan of Zumba.
• The Hobbies I'm Only Slightly Ashamed to Have (But Hey - At least I'm Not On Drugs):
• I watch a lot of reality TV. The more attitude and/or children you have, the more inclined I am to watch you.
• I love hanging out on the weekends with my dear friend, Jose Cuervo.
• I quote movies as they apply to everyday life. I can have whole conversations with people by using sayings from Mean Girls, 10 Things I Hate About You, and Miss Congeniality just to name a few. 
• The first thing I type in on Google News is "Kardashian."
• I look at IMDB.com to guess 1) if a really old actor is already dead and/or 2) how many times an actor/actress has been married.
• I look up old child stars on Twitter to see if they think they're cool enough that they needed to get "verified." Regardless of if they are or not, I click through all of their pictures.
• I have a cruel but overly entertaining game where I find the most repulsive man I've ever seen and yell out "Check Out My Boyfriend!" to my friends and family (note: this game is best if played in a WalMart and all parties are winners and losers simultaneously).
• Who am I really kidding with this job search? What are the best keywords to search for a "sugar daddy" without it looking suspicious or slutty on my internet history?

On that note, if anyone with hiring power at their company is reading this, please know I'm not a total failure at life, that I am looking for an Entry-Level position in marketing and I am sure to dazzle you if and when we speak.

Cover Letter, Resume, and references available upon request.

CALLING ALL BUSINESS WOMEN!!

Ladies,

Our team is doing a BlogSpot giveaway!! We want to give you admission for one to the Ladies Who Launch four week Intense Incubator event. The event is intended for entrepreneurial women looking to launch or expand their business who want to speak to and hear from like-minded business savvy females.

THE CHALLENGE

1) These events are intended for business-minded females. Please abide (gentlemen, your challenge is to find your best lady counterpart).

2) Write a haiku poem (3 lines--5 syllables on the first line, 7 on the second line, 5 on the third line) about your business and/or business ideas. The more creative the better. You have until Monday November 14th at 11:59 PM (Eastern Standard Time, no loop holes SORRY!) to come up with your best haiku. The winner will be notified via E-Mail and will be announced on our blog Tuesday November 15th by noon. We look forward to your entries!!

Haiku Example:
We are Red Poppy
Stand out above the others
Bring it on ladies


Good Luck!!